New Jobs means one step closer to having a baby

So, I have 2 new jobs. One is at the School near our house where I am working part time as a child care provider. The second, I got a job at Cracker Barrel. I will be a waitress. So hopefully I will make lots of money and get some bills to pay off and guess what CLOSER to start having a baby!!!!!!!! It's a job and it pays....

On another note, Zoey is getting so big. 35 pounds and growing. She is so funny. Sometime I will take a video of her and put it on here cause she makes us laugh about 30 times a day with her silliness.

Putting some color into this house!!!!

So for the past week I have been painting our living room and hallway. I was so excited when Marcus said we could go buy the paint! We have painted the living room Toffee Bar Brown. It looks so good with the white trim. Its a little dark but I don't mind. We are going to paint the kitchen a almond blush color. It's basically a yellow color. I wanted yellow with green accents. Now we just need to get wall hangings for the living room because the walls are so bare.

This weekend is our 1st anniversary. I can not believe it has already been a year. So much has occured in that time period. We bought a house, got a puppy, and doing things around the house. I Love our house so much. I am so grateful to be able to live in such a nice home our first year of marriage. Zoey our baby (puppy) is getting so big. I can not believe how much she has already grown in the two weeks we have had her. She has gained about 6 pounds in 3 weeks. It's crazy how much she has changed. She is so funny to watch first thing in the morning. And by I mean first thing in the morning its like 6am and i Hate getting up that early. She wants to play so bad and I want to sleep. So she runs from the living room to spare bedroom where her crate is and gets one of her toys. Then she plays for a while then gets bored with that and does it all over again. She loves to be held like a baby, but soon I will not be able to do that because she is getting to heavy to do that. We are taking her to the lake tomorrow to see how she likes the water. We also bought her a kiddie pool and she loves it so I can't wait to see how she likes the lake.

So thats about all we have been up to right now. Zoey is sure keeping us busy. Marcus is jealous because she likes me more. She does not leave my side. Its hard to even get her to play with Marcus and she does not listen to us either. She stats Obedience training next Sunday. We are excited about that because she does not know what "COME HERE" means either. We are also getting an underground fence put in Sat. We are very excited about that so we can just let her out and not have to worry about her too much and will not have to be out with her everytime she needs to be let out.

ZOEY our first born is here!!! LOL

So here she is. Zoey more to come later about her

More to come later

Struggling with this life God has put forth!!!

This morning as I am reading a Karen Kingsbury Book, "Take Three" I begin to realize life has not turned out the way I had always dreamed it would. Sure I have a wonderful husband who always provides, a wonderful house, clothes on my back, food in the pantry, covers to cover up with at night, and the list can go on and on!!! But for what? I had dreamed my entire life I would go to college, finish, and be a teacher. Well that did not happen. Yeah sure I went twice and quit twice!! I thought well I always love doing hair, so lets do that. Did it loved it and let some stupid imature girls ruin yet another dream!!! Thats all this life of mine has been, A DREAM!!! Loved my job, then got run off by those stupid girls. Yep my fault too!!! I should have stuck it out and then all these regrets would probably not be here. Then yet again there would be some other stupid regret to worry about. So today I ask my self, "What are you doing?" Get off this couch, do the laundry, clean the kitchen, put away the blankets, vacuum, clean the bathroom. But for some reason, I just sit and pray and cry and pray and cry some more. My husband is working while I am sitting on this couch enjoying a cool rainy day. Yes he keeps telling me I really need to get a job. You don't think I Know that? The more and more he tells me the more and more I don't want to. The more and more I resent myself for not finishing school, for wasting all that money that my parents paid and that my now husband is paying!!!! Yeah I know I clean and cook and do the laundry but for some reason that is not enough. Yeah sometimes I sub but its not even minimum wage!!!! I applied at Hobby Lobby this past week and when I told Marcus he did not say oh great. Instead he said thats too far to drive for a minimum wage job. Well guess what honey, its about all there is right now and I think I might actually enjoy it. And because I did not finish school nor stick with my hair doing days, I have to rely on a crappy minimum wage job. So I ask God,"Why do I not want a job, Why do I feel so down lately about this life I am leading?" And no answer yet. And "Why do I not enjoy the church we go to?" every Sunday and Wednesday its I don't really feel like going, but I go anyway because truthfully I do not want to hear Marcus lecture me about going. And everytime I tell him I do not like it there he asks me why and every time I tell him why, and I want to visit other churchs but NO he does not really want to. I feel so stuck in a town I hate, a church I do not enjoy and no friends to talk to around here. Marcus tells me that I will never have the friends like Anne where I can talk to about anything in this town that we live in. Its not like college he said you just don't get close to people as you get older. That is so different than what I thought about growing up. I thought this is the time where you make lasting friendships. Friends that your kids can grow up with. Friends that you can rely on through the darkest moments in ones life. So am I wrong, because its not turning out that way. Honestly I feel as though I am falling farther and farther away from God and this Christian life that I am suppose to be leading. Marcus and I never pray together, we rarely just sit and talk. We always have the TV on, or he is flying helicopters, playing basketball, or we are just both on the computer. I feel as though all I do is cook, clean, and do laundry and pick up after him. This is not the marriage I had dreamed of. And NO I did not dream that it would be happy all the time, But I did dream that if there was clothes to be folded he would help without me asking, or if their were dirty dishes he would help. But that is not reality I have come to see that now. Guys do not think that way do they? Mine sure does not. I just feel so much tension right now and we have not even been married a year.

Our 1 year is upon us and I feel like it is not important to him. I thought maybe we would just do something special he and I, and he plan something nice, not too expensive but when I bring it up, he just says when you get a job. Marriage is not suppose to be like that is it? I feel so lost. It's like I do not even know who I am anymore, who he is anymore. God I need help finding our way back to you first then to each other. But How do I do that. I don't know how. I am not a good communicator you know that, Marcus knows that, But I just am at a loss of where to begin. If I get a job will that change things? I doubt it, the problem is deeper than that. So Help me show me your guidance in this. Place something in my life to get back on track. If you are reading this, don't judge me, don't think that I am crazy. Just please if you pray, pray, if you could just keep it to your self. If you want to tell your husbands or wives then just say that WE need our prayers and leave it at that. Don't bring it up to other people who do not know me. DON'T GOSSIP !!

PRAYERS NEEDED Been a very hard day today for me

Craziness in the Conner House!!!

So its been very crazy around our home lately!!! We are finally moved in to our new house. Not everything is put away, but its getting there. I still do not have a job. I am working on trying to get a job as a site director for the Extended school program at a school near our house. Marcus has been working really hard at work, and is actually working on a Saturday!!! I have also put in an application at Hobby Lobby in Murfreesboro, but have heard nothing from them. Guess I will be calling them... I just wish I had a normal job, normal life. But I guess when you drop out of college then all the normalcy is shot out the window. It is quite depressing to tell you the truth.

Its raining today and I had plans to run some errands and now that is shot because I guess we are suppose to get some pretty bad storms. I want to paint, but that too requires money.. Since Marcus is the only one working then its hard to push the subject. We have decided on painting the kitchen an almond yellow color, not sure what color to do the living room yet!!! The sample yellow looks so good. I can't wait to finish it. My parents have been so wonderful and bought us a kitchen table and chairs, which look amazing!!! Mom and I also found this really great painting which is now hanging in our kitchen. LOVE LOVE IT!!!! Our living room walls are really bare right now, but hopefully soon we can fix that!!!!

We are going to adopt a dog from the animal shelter. I finally convinced Marcus to get a dog which I am really excited about. But now just to get Marcus to the shelter to pick one out. So thats been about it. I have been so busy with soccer too, a little overwhelmed to tell you the truth. Two teams 20 kids a little crazy.

ONE WEEK

FIVE DAYS till we close.!!!!! I am so very excited. We will get the keys on Sunday!!!! I will be there Monday cleaning the carpets and cleaning and getting it move in ready. Marcus and I are so very excited.

Today Marcus and I are going to Smyrna and Murfreesboro tonight to look for a Kitchen table and chairs and coffee and end tables .... We are excited to be updating our stuff.

Thats about all that is going on right now.. Can't wait to move!!!!

Its been a while and a lot has happened!!!!

WOW!!!! Its been so long since I have posted anything. I guess that means that I have been busy. Let me start by saying WE GOT A HOUSE!!!! Finally we found a house and should be able to move in the weekend of the 27th of March. I have started packing and cleaning the apartment. We are so excited. I wish I could paint before we move in but no money to do such a thing. We are so Excited. When I was calling around for quotes on Homeowners insurance, the Secretary of Farm Bureau agent we are going through is the one we are buying the house from. So I went and put in an application. They have not advertised the job yet so maybe I will have first dibbs.... Wish me luck

Something else has been going on that has really been wearing me down. My grandmother has been diagnosed with cancer. Not sure what kind though yet, they have already taken out her colon and the doctor was unsure in the beginning whether or not she would make it. But she is doing well and still waiting on the Biopsy to come back. He thinks that the cancer is very treatable with Chemo if she will do it. I hope she does, but I understand it is her decision and I respect that. She is not able to sleep so please keep her in your prayers.

On a lighter note, Soccer season is about to be in full swing again. They want me to coach two teams. One U8 and a U10. I hope I can swing doing both and hopefully have a job. I love coaching soccer and I am so excited about it. I just hope I will have enough time to get moved in and unpacked before games start.

PICTURES TO COME SOON!!!!!